A sense of urgency

A week before Christmas, Megan’s dad had a heart attack. He is okay and back home but in the wake of that, we are both extremely motivated to make this baby thing happen ASAP.

BFF is still willing to donate. After his brother (who is also a good friend of ours) educated him that trying to have a baby takes some time and not to suggest things that aren’t helpful, he is still on board.  We aren’t going to be that passive though.

While we continue to try with BFF we are going to start the process of reciprocal IVF. Megan’s mom has offered in the past, and the offer is still on the table, to fund IVF for us.  This is something I have been resistant to for multiple reasons. It feels a whole lot like taking advantage of privilege. What happens to my body autonomy when I’m carrying bab(ies) my MIL paid for. What about parenting child(ren) she paid for? Will parenting be mine and Megan’s decision making independently or will my MIL feel entitled to inserting herself into that as well?

My MIL is great with boundaries. I have no reason to believe she will overstep her roll in any way. The way I was raised however, gifts, especially gifts of that caliber, always come with strings attached. It’s something I am going to need to get over I feel.

2018 showed me many times in varying ways that my in-laws are more my family than my own. This fact is difficult to digest as I have only known them for 5 years. I think the hardest component of accepting them as my primary family is knowing Megan will always be their number 1, as she should be, she is biologically theirs. I just don’t feel there is anyone in  my corner if you will. When it comes to family conflicts between Megan and I, parenting, family dynamics etc, I know they will choose her side, as they should. It still doesn’t take away from the fact my in laws have been more “family” to me than ever since I knew them.

Anyway, that’s where we are. Continuing to try with BFF while we prep for IVF. Megan’s buns my oven.


One thought on “A sense of urgency”

  1. I am so sorry to hear about Megan’s dad. That’s really scary. Hugs. I would also be really anxious about a huge financial gift but I believe that if her mom is good with boundaries and know what she’s gifting to you all and to the entire world, she won’t be a “I bought it I decide” kind of grandparent. I think you and Megan are assertive enough to figure those things out with her and to be up front about your fears about the money.


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