We had our first BPP ultrasound this week and will have one a week until delivery. BPP is a “biophysical profile.” It’s just a screening to monitor babes in the final states of pregnancy to make sure they’re doing alright. Both babes scored 8/8 and aside from one of them having a weird cord insertion site (the umbilical chord connection to the placenta is not as centered as they’d like, but this is the first we’ve heard this) all is well. I feel bad I don’t know who’s umbilical chord site is weird, baby boy or lil girl, but I suppose this is the start of the angst in raising twins. They seem active,chonky and healthy, that’s all I care about.
It’s getting to be that there isn’t much of her maternity clothes that fit Megan. Hence the same outfit for weeks in a row. With the heat along with poor air quality from wildfire smoke blowing over to MN Megan is basically on house arrest. Or air conditioning arrest.
Our hospital bags are packed. I’m working on filling our freezer with comfort meals for post partum. I’ve got the sort of high energy which makes me feel a bit manic. Perhaps this is the nesting phenomenon, but it’s been going on for about 3 months now. Nothing to be concerned about, and I mean no offence to those with true mania. Not trying to be insensitive.
This weekend my sister is treating me to a massage and mimosas. A massage sounds just lovely. And time with my sister is always a blessing.
I started my journey towards the goal of induced lactation in April. I went to an IBCLC and discussed my options. I LOVED her. Just something about her energy drew me in. Truly there’s a whole other blog post about that, so I’ll save my raving for there.
My IBCLC informed me that she’d only done induced lactation a couple of times on patients herself, but assured me it was possible and pointed me in the direction of some great pod casts and books. “Breastfeeding without birthing” by Alyssa Schnell was the book and I believe the pod cast is hers too. That’s called “Breastfeeding outside the box”
I started birth control mid April with my (then) next menses. I took only the hormone pills daily for 4 months, to trick my body into thinking I had a “mini pregnancy.” I had some minor spotting each month when I would normally bleed (at the end of each hormone round when the sugar pills began), but nothing I would call a true period. It was old blood, those who know, will know what I’m talking about.
I stopped the birth control about two weeks ago. My IBCLC said I would bleed, but I didn’t. That makes me worried, but my IBCLC didn’t seem phased by it. After stopping birth control, the consultant recommended I start some supplements to encourage milk production.
I take the goat’s rue 4 times a day and the milkapalooza 3 times a day. They are over the counter and can be found online easily. I was taking the fenugreek once a day, but it made my blood sugar tank and in order for it to be effective I’d need to take much more so we opted to not continue this supplement. The capsules are pretty easy to manage, though yesterday, I belched and one decided to make a re-appearance in my throat without the casing…. that was NOT pleasant. Just a bunch of herbal powder and grass flavor, ew. A little water and I was okay again.
After stopping birth control I also needed to start stimulating my breasts. Aka pumping. I pump for 10 min every 2 hrs and once at night. This tricks my body into thinking there’s someone to feed after that little faked mini pregnancy and hopefully she’ll produce milk!
I haven’t produced anything yet, but I’m hopeful. It takes a couple of weeks to really get going so fingers crossed something happens soon. It’s also possible my milk won’t come in until I hold my babes. The hormone shift there could make it happen if I haven’t produced milk yet by then.
What I do know is my boobs have grown about a half cup size. They feel fuller, after the fake pregnancy and even more now after a week and a half of pumping. When I miss a pump, bc life, they ache even though pumping sessions aren’t productive. All this points to something is working.
I really hope this is successful. Both because it’d be awesome to be able to provide supplemental feedings to my babes to give Megan a break and for bonding. Also to provide a place for my body to be useful as a non gestational parent. I still harbor some feelings about not carrying and I think surrendering my body in this way could alleviate those feelings some.
I will keep you posted, but now it’s probably time for me to go pump.
It would be flippant of me to come up with an excuse as to why I haven’t kept up weekly so I will spare you and offer you a ton of pictures and up dates in lieu of perfunctory excuses.
9 weeks.
10 weeks
11 weeks
12 weeks. And yes, today is 13 weeks, but no I do not have a picture. Megan is in the bath after a long day of doctors appointments, and since is one of the vices left she can indulge in I don’t feel safe asking her to step out of the bath so I can photograph her stomach.
Both she and the babies passed all the tests with flying colors. Megan is in the green zone for gestational diabetes, meaning she does NOT have it. The babies are doing somersaults and stretching out their legs (while they can) with perfectly developed nuchal spaces (some thing at the base of their brain stem) and nasal bones. These are the things that the genetic counselors are worried about.
As you know – insert whatever facial expression implies you’re following this blog on baited breath and memorizing every detail of our process- we all did genetic testing before we made embryos. All three of us, Megan, myself and the donor carry recessive genes which could be problematic. However they are not the same recessive genes so we were in the clear to procreate, or inseminate, or whatever you say for IVF. For good measure we also had our embryos tested for genetic abnormalities. Our two beans were perfectly normal from the get go. Still, with “advanced maternal age” it is recommended that we do this further testing so we measure nuchal spaces and nasal bones and get another lab draw.
We wont get the results for some time, but neither of us are concerned about what will show up. I think we’ve covered our bases.
These are the books I am diving into when I am avoiding school work.
By the next time I write here, knowing me and my success rate of updating frequently, I will have told my parents that we’re pregnant. I have been avoiding it because… well allowing my mother access to anything that is sacred to me has never proven to turn out positively for me emotionally. Still, I said that I would do it once we were in the second trimester and well… here we are!
Yesterday was retrieval day. We had an appointment at the butt crack of dawn to sit around and wait for surgery. It was Megan’s first time going under anesthesia since she was young so she was appropriately apprehensive about the experience. As far as retrievals go though, we were quite pleased with the ordeal.
My favorite part was the doctor came in to chat with us prior to taking Megan back to the theatre. She told us a bit about the procedure and herself which just make us feel less like a number and calmed the nerves. We were really pleased with our doctor, very personable and kind.
Once Megan was taken back, I was escorted to the waiting room where I sat for a measly 30 min. I barely finished two chapters in a book, and they were calling me to come meet them in recovery to talk with the embryologist.
They got a total of 14 eggs. Of those 14 eggs, 12 were mature enough to fertilize. Of those 12, 10 took. Now we wait until Friday to see how many of those 10 make it to blastocyst stage.
Side note: Prior to going back into surgery, Megan and I were talking about NV and PA and GA. They were still in limbo at this point. Each of us had been glued to our screens updating at least 5 times an hour to see what the fate of our country would be. We were anxious about feeling hopeful and positive. Megan said ” I wish that we would just know when I came out of surgery.” While I was waiting for her, I told myself I needed to read my book, not scroll on my phone. Unplug. Self care Amanda. When I texted Megan’s mother she was out of surgery, I saw her text that Biden had won.
How serendipitously lovely? Full circle really. When Megan and I started our journey towards parenthood, four years ago, it was after 45 had been elected. We were devastated, yet still needed to go to the psychiatric evaluation our clinic required due to us using donor sperm. Yesterday felt different. More hopeful. Both for our family and for our country.
We had our regroup a couple days ago and our genetic counseling with our donor a couple days prior to that. Everything is a go!
Genetic counseling said that there is no reason we cant use Paul as our donor. Both Megan and I carry some genetic disorders, and so does Paul, but that is normal and none of the disorders each of us carry cross over so we’re all matched. Megan is very excited to have a blue eyed baby, both she and Paul have blue eyes, so hopefully genetics will work in their advantage for that. Hahaha!
Our regroup with the RE revealed that Megan and I have almost identical AMH results. Making the decision to have Megan carry first quite logistically “easy.” It was our plan, Megan is a year and a half older than me, it makes the most sense since the success rates decline after age 39. I would be lying if I wasn’t a bit sad that I have to wait to get pregnant, but that doesn’t take away from my joy that we are finally on the road to our baby.
The regroup also revealed that I have uterine polyps. Which can cause horrible periods (which I have) and infertility. It doesn’t count me out for pregnancy though, I would just need to get them “razored” out prior to any FET. Sound fun huh? But that is a road we will cross when we reach it.
The next steps are TONS of hormones. Once Megan’s period starts, we go into the clinic to start growing eggs (hence the hormones.) Once we have enough (the goal is 20 eggs) they will harvest them and implant Paul’s sperm into them. That will be conception day. Then they grow in the clinic. The clinic will do genetic testing on them and hopefully at least a couple make it to maturity well enough that we can transfer one into Megan. Then we hope its a sticky bean.
That’s where were at so far. I still want to do a re-introduction post soon as I will probably come to this format for guidance more frequently as time elapses. I just need to work around my aversion to technology 🙂
Another post coming soon about what it means to be the “non-carrying” parent or “father” in TTC. I’ll talk about my feelings surrounding that and inevitably seek advise and guidance from those who’ve been there before.
wearealwayswantingmore 